续上一个故事，双方一直在拉锯是先让重验货还是先付钱。跳过一些细节，老外后来翻脸了，直指D小姐办事不力，向她的老板K先生投诉了。单从business English 的角度，这一节的例子都写得很专业，所以我就不作修改了。那么我们就在一旁静静地看着他们装B吧。

1.这是老外发给K和D的：

Hi K/D,

?I tried to call D’s phone but failed.

We relooked into the remittance of USDXXX and found that we had accidently paid you too much. We had now stopped the payment to recalculate. We will send through payment again after recalculation. I wanted to discuss with Dora on the phone but it seems that you are avoiding answering my phone calls.

（他一直在强调，是D不接电话。先不管这里是真的假的没人接，我想说的是一个500强常用的把戏，让看到的人对D的印象不好。谁对谁错我不知道，但你这么一说D就好像很不专业了。作为500强老鸟，我一看到这句都会特别多一个心眼。。。。）

We do not know what reason you could not arrange our QC’s ?inspection. There must be some quality issues otherwise you could have arranged our QC to check the goods. We made 30% upfront payment on this product based on the trust to your company. It is unfair that you do not follow our instruction. As my discussion with my boss, we would rather not deliver the skirts if there is going to have potential problem.

依我看，这不让他们重验这事也没那么简单。原因是什么我就不深究了，毕竟这不是我们要学习的事情。

You must communicate with us ASAP as tomorrow is the cutoff date for the skirts!
Regards,

2.这一封是老外的高层追加的电邮

K,
I would appreciate a phone call from you as dealing with Dora on this matter has not been beneficial for either of us.
（这一句有时可以害死一个尽责的同事了。。。。。我的确是有点偏袒某一方，但这个案例我也不必太客观，反正在看戏。。。）I will await your phone call,
?
Kind regards

3.?如果我是D，看到以下这一封K的邮件我可能就哭着高呼：“领导英明，我必以死相随。”

Dear XXX,

That has make me so surprised and disappointment （建议大家多用surprise and disappointed这两个高雅地表达不满的字眼）when I saw YYY’s email. Pls take exactly immediate action to push all thing come back the right way.

I am really appreciated for D has strictly complied with company’s policy. And pls clearly to be noted, all her previous and coming actions are under my authorization!

看到没？？这才是好老板！老外你别TMD搞分化，是我让他这样做的，咋样？

Here I would like to list the details again, even thought D has shown your side for many times:

QC inspection for TCS:

All of us know well about Q, and they represent the authority in the field. The end customer has enough confidence to them. I have been working together them in the past several years, and really know well for all the procedure. So I think that is no necessary from your side to doubt their QC report.

For make all things come back on the road, and show our strong willing to continue the business I would like to show our procedure(we only accept this solution at this moment):

BABABABABA。。。。。（不列出了）

先说明为何我方坚持不让你的人来重验，是因为最终客户第三方QC公司已经过了，你还吵什么吵？然后再给出一个轻微的让步，大家看着办，有个台阶下。

We believe above solution is our final accepting solution, and would not accept any future re-negotiation.
坚定要礼貌。

I would like to reiterate here, D has my all authority under handling this issue. For any future connection pls contact with her directly.
Regards
K

故事还有的，但我觉得这个CASE到这里就够了。这两方的邮件都不错，表达的方式值得大家学习。
这四节都是我从基友团门徒CLUB的同学借来的实际案例，而下一节将会是在阿里外贸圈的来信。
啊，啊，对了，我不是台湾人，我是香港人。因为没学过拼音所以我不会打简体字。不过对有心学习的人来说，百度转一下字体应该是阻止不了你学习的热情的吧？

同一件事，同一个立场，用上不同的写法出来的效果会完全不同。本篇的例子很能体会现出来。全篇英文写得表达到位，但就感觉不是在聊生意，而是在谈判。那你会问：叔，人生不就是一场又一场的谈判吗？叔一个苦笑，说：谈判是不是都要穿上西装在会议室那种才叫谈判呢？ ？其实绝大部份的决策，都是在谈笑风生casual的情况下成型的。而这种气氛，就是要业务猿你去营造的了。好的BE能做到這一點。

以下是这案例的背景：

1.???一款产品开发出来，花费了差不多50万人民币，一年只开发1-2款。

2.??一个业务员将这款产品推荐给合作多年的马来西亚老客户（这个老客户也是这个业务员当年辛辛苦苦从竞争对手那里抢回来的，一年数量1000；后来客户在市场上发现另外一个人（这个是后面开发的新客户）也在卖这个产品，一年数量1500.

3.???跟进这个老客户的业务员更换成另外一个业务员，老客户亚谈包销，新业务回复如下：

Dear AAA,

?May i ask your annual demand for each model if it is the exclusive model in your market??（一来就问人你付得起多少钱，叔叔我卖巧克力的，我不敢。。。我丑我先睡去。。。）

?? Please let me explain the exclusivity in our company as following: ?（不错，用letme explain让人舒服。这里用exclusivity policy会比较好，让人感觉我们是一视同仁的。）

1) The tooling cost for each model is around xx,xxx USD.
2) The certificate cost for each model is around xx,xxx USD.
3) It will take at least 8 months to finish one new BPM model, the development cost is xx,xxx USD.
?Totally, it will cost xx,xx USD for one model, please kindly understand that we need to keep the balance between invenstment and output (orders ).

?Based on the very large cost on one NEW BPM model, Normally, we will not sign the exclusivity with customers,there are two solutions for the product conflict:

1) For the models you selected, please tell us the annual demand and we will check if it is possible to keep you as the only distributor （不是only distributor, 而是sole agency/ sole distributor) in your market.

2) If the annual demand is small, we will suggest to make the product colour different for avoiding the conflict. (我看到你在提供其他方案了，这点不错。）

?So far , the orders from BBB is more than yours, （哇，你是在说：AAA你算老几？）so it is very hard to make the decision, however, we respect our relationship, （啊，那真是皇恩已沐啊。。。）Any more suggestion, please feel free to tell us and let’s discuss about it.?（其实这句就跟微信第一个微笑脸一样，有种呵呵的感觉了。。。）

Best regards,
XXX

整体来说，这篇BE写得还可以。我一直强调，BE（business English）不是要多华丽的英文语句，而是在于沟通，思维在语言之上。这一篇算是达到这一个标准了，只是语气太强硬。想必你对多年的朋友绝不会如此吧？所以，这篇问题点在于英语表达。

我听不少老外说过对中国商人的感觉是唯利是图。说真的，这是废话中的废话，难道要跟你说好做彼此的天使吗。。。但他们之所以这样说，我看很多时候问题是出在表达。这一篇就大概有点这个意味了。一个辛苦争取来了然后合作多年的伙伴受到冷待的故事。我当然知道你们不是这个意思，不如我们看看怎样改会比较好。

Hi AAA,

First of all I would like to appreciate your intention to work exclusively with us.? This mean to me our product can serve your market well and I assume that also mean you are happy with our relationship. ?（这是个事实。我的产品能帮你卖钱，我们都应该很高兴）Look back to our long successful history it make perfect sense we can work further and closer together. （回顾一下，对双方历史性的作出高度认同。。。）

Yet, being exclusive could be a direct financial hit to our business.? Here I list out my concerns:

1.ROI:? Considerable investment （Considerable是個得體的字，沒說我們投了多少，但也是沒有太少，還是值得重視的）in our NPI （New product introduction, NPI，新產品開發流程）process:? Design, tooling, certification, timing.. etc. if you are interested I can send you a breakdown to give you a better idea.

2.Put yourself into my shoes （大慨可以譯為「將心比心」吧，很好用，很常用來說服客戶）I wish you could understand where I come from.? I need to go volume （剛巧，也真是剛巧，「走量」的英語用法是go volume。這不是中式英文） in order to amortize （啊，這字挺深的啊。「分攤」是意思。模具之類的固定成本要分攤到單件上，就是用這個生詞）my cost. ?

3.As a result, I would be more than happy（比快樂還快樂？不知咋譯， 反正就是表達快樂到不要不要的意思吧）to discuss with anyone about exclusivity （獨家經營）with a contracted volume.? （這裡也表達了我們是要用合同的，而不是隨便說說的）This way I could focus on my manufacturing role while partnering with local market expert on sales.? （我們就這樣分工吧！我專心生產你專心賣賣賣！）

Having said that, other factors like branding effort, channel coverage….etc could be of consideration. ?

I am open for discussion if the above sound reasonable to you. （「你若是聽起來合理」。這句用中譯絕對是怪怪的。這世上既有中式英文，那有西式中文也好像說得過去吧？我想說的是，世上的語言都有自己背後的logic。而這些logic又跟他們的文化歷史有關。勉強拉在一起就會「怪怪的」了）。?

Meanwhile, I believe being exclusive is NOT the only way to be of best interest to us.? （「其實我們是不想跟你談獨家的」會聊天版本。不把話說死，但我們隨了聊獨家其實還有很多可以聊的。用上對的語言，就能把這些話表達得有技巧）There must be some more opportunity.

I am open for discussion if the above sound reasonable to you.? Meanwhile, I believe being exclusive is NOT the only way to be of best interest to us.? There must be some more opportunity.

Thanks for the trust and the business.? We will keep talking.

Regards,
Ben

上一集写的时间有点晚了我赶住去睡觉就没写范文，今次一次性补回来：）这次我不改人家的电邮了，我们来说一下英文文案。毕竟，BE的应用范围相当广。

在营销（marketing，我不是说销售sales）上，内贸和外贸明显不在同一个水平上的。看一看淘宝上的图片，再看一下你发给老外的照片就一清二楚了。文案呢？一样。这些年来去看展会，一本又一本印刷低级，图片疑似用手机拍的目录，很少有一本能impress我让我记得的目录。在内贸，段子手已经横行，文青再找到人生与职涯方向了；在外贸，你还是在说你的工厂在一个美丽的沿海城市有XXX平米的厂房欢迎国外的朋友共建一段美好的友谊。温差太大，叔叔受不了。

这次，我们来看看一家知名的香港巧克力企业是怎样写他的海外文案的。先来看看第一段文字，大概是公司／品牌的介绍。

Luxor wedding started with something sweet. Being the first to introduce this kind of chocolate as a wedding element into Asia, Luxor chocolate quickly establish it awareness as a brand of love and wedding. （说品牌历史还是有些套路的。「定位」一书有说争取成为客户心智中的格格，最好的方法莫过于第一个导入新品类的人。如果你真是品类第一，不要多想，马上写上。当然，咱们99%都不会是这样的品类第一，那么就不要乱用了。第一句started with something sweet 很直观地又巧妙地把爱情和巧克力共同的甜密联想起来。）

Luxor Wedding moves on （move on是个把品牌人性化的词。Proceed, make progress可能是你在电邮上比较常用的词，但却把品牌写成生硬硬又很多流程的老派企业）by creating and designing unique wedding favor idea and manufacture it by our own workshop or carefully picked manufacturing partner. （这个写法就巧妙地说了我们不是工厂但比工厂有价值多了。）Our “little favor” turn out to be big （中文修词学过对比法吗？这里little favor/ big choice就是一例）and hot choice even by celebrity’s wedding in HK and China.（对了，这品牌出现过在Angelababy 和香港的胡杏儿的婚礼上啊！听说很快又有另一位了。）

As we understand what uniqueness means to every brides and gloom, customization is one of our key focus of service. （这里又把礼品个性化的服务和新人对婚礼的uniqueness唯一性的要求连在一起。”As we understand”＝ “因为我们明白”, 强而有力）We proudly tailor-made almost any part of the gifts to reveal importance of the memorable event.

Luxor wedding, the last detail of wedding. （最后是一个slogan。英文的slogan是个大大大学问，有机会我再分享一下。）

下一段文案是巧克力的介绍：

Five pieces of sugar almonds represent five wishes for the new couples: Health, wealth, happiness, children and a long life. This old European tradition has been blessing generations of love in Europe and the Mediterranean Sea.（首先，我们把其中一段关于巧克力的真历史写出来。意大利人也有封建迷信之时（笑）说笑而已，习俗，you know…习俗）

Heritage（我特别喜欢这个字：承传。很美的一个字。。） from this thousand years of tradition, Luxor evolute itself（Evolute itself….字面上是「把自己进化成」，好像怪怪的。但我却看出一个品牌生命力） to be a pioneer of the blessing confessionary industry. Our signature “The Luxor” and “Hanayome” color series （signature这里不是签名啊！日文该是「广告牌」，中文应该是「招牌货」吧）representing a rich range of pink, purple and red which is widely adopted by wedding ceremony since the Enlightenment period. （嗯，连文艺复兴都用上了。。。不过，天地良心，我已查了不少资料了，真的在那时已经用来做婚庆的了）
Originated from Mediterranean Sea, where sugar-coated chocolate born, Luxor are created to gift and to bless. （为祝佑而生的Luxor。created to gift and bless….修词功夫在这里了。估计大部分四六级小朋友都会Luxor use as a gift and to bless someone之类吧。）The sugar-coated chocolate with a great selection of impactful color（你要形容很漂亮，是不是就只懂说beautiful? pretty? nice? 还有吗？对的，电邮沟通重理解越简单越好，但文案就不同了。对文字的要求远远不止是让人明白就够了。Impactful是个简单的字，冲击力谁不懂呀？但你会懂得用在这里吗？看，我还是认为好的BE不是在背生词！！） are ideal for wedding gift and serve as（serve as, 作为，也是很常用，很好用） a key component of wedding candy bar.

Each piece of luxor is made from cocoa grew exclusively（制造Luxor巧克力的那些可可豆当然是为Luxor而种！！这是个正确的废话。你再想一想每日接触的广告，有多少是这些正确的废话？） for it. By using recipe sine 40s from the last century（Luxor在地中海的供货商是个小的家族工厂，1940年代已经开始了）, our manufacturing technique have been advanced to a new standard. Today our plant in the Mediterranean Sea area is ISO9001:2008 certificated.

好了，现在再看看你们网站上的About us觉得怎样？我同意，写文案是高级的BE，也不能强求自己要懂。但我相当肯定好的文案能 makes a different。我会在以后的BE帖不定期找好的文案来分析一下。

可是，Luxor的中文文案却。。。画风不太相同。。。我就是写不出好的中文文案。。

这一篇是来自门徒俱乐部的投稿，属于「商务条件谈判」。我们来看看怎样才是「说之以理，动之以情」。BE用得好，就必须两者俱备。以下正文：
Ben叔叔你好！

看了很多篇您写的BE，很精彩。终于忍不住，我也来投稿了！

我的背景很简单。

客人要DDU模式到付，我们一般是100%发货前付清。鸿沟啊~！

之前跟客人拉锯过一次了，各种招数，装高大上啊，装可怜啊，还扯过说公司之前出过一次没有收回货款的例子，所以现在只接受前TT，能扯的理由基本扯过了。
客户稍微动摇了一点最后还是回归原位了。
然后自己就是默默跟进，有点死嗑的味道，因为心里总感觉这个客户的付款方式也不是完全改变不了的。
自己反思之前的邮件都不是很理想。

最近又收到客人的询盘，还是问付款方式能不能接受。

以下是我的回复，自我感觉比之前进步好多，但是自己读读还是觉得挺生硬的。

请Ben叔叔改改，谢谢！Ben叔叔轻点喷。 ；-）

客户邮件：
Hi I,
I am about ready to place more orders for 4mm white?
Let me know if you are interested in doing business with us.
Material to be paid upon arrival.

我的回复：
Hi ，

Very glad to get your 2nd inquiry.

To be honest, our standard payment terms is 100% prepaid before loading. (30% deposit before production + 70% balance paid before loading ). I don’t want you think we are too rigid, but actually this is also the standard terms in our industry. （这句不错，不是英文不错，而是看到诚意。standard term不要乱吹，真的是standard才说，不然客户看到其他供货商不是这个standard时会迷之怒。）

I’ve do my best to persuade our management to meet your request, but it’s too hard for us to fully accept your way. I hope you can understand my thoughts. （你又不解释为什么不能接受，只说是跟高层争取过了，说服力不够。不过好像比上几篇说：我跟老板说了下他就答应减价了。。。要好很多了。）

We cherish every customer, （cherish, 用字不错）so below is the our solutions for you:

25% deposit before production, we also need deposit to pay our raw material supplier, 75% balance paid 15 days after see the copy of bill of lading. （注意。。。你这句在说，我的物料成本只是占了25%其他的除了人工就是利润了～哗。。。1元的料4元卖出去，暴利啊。。另一个要点，客户可能会觉得你这什么破公司？买料都不够钱了？我还敢用你吗？）
At this way you will pay balance when material almost arrive at you. I hope this make you feel much better.

I understand as a serious buyer you may worry about our quality, （感觉除了质量外，他在乎的还有其他。你先别一箱情愿地以为人家对你的质量没信心。。。还是你自己没信心？）my suggestion is you can request a third party to inspect goods before shipment, we will do shipment until get approval from your inspection. We welcome inspections before shipments, this help assured for both buyers and us. Or you can place a trial order to check our quality and services before place regular orders.

I hope this time can make you satisfied.

单以英文来说，本篇不过不失。不过，我再三强调，BE的B比E大，就是说，回复时的思维比用语重要。不知读者有否发现，回文完全没提及客户要求中的一个要点：DDU。

我估计少于20％的业务员做过DDU的单，而要求过供货商做DDU的人，也一定不多。要入手，先要明白一点：为什么客户要做DDU?

首先，我把维基百科DDU的定义抄出来，如下：

DDU – Delivered Duty Unpaid (named place of destination)

This term means that the seller delivers the goods to the buyer to the named place of destination in the contract of sale. A transaction in international trade where the seller is responsible for making a safe delivery of goods to a named destination, paying all transportation and customs clearance expenses but not the duty. The seller bears the risks and costs associated with supplying the goods to the delivery location, where the buyer becomes responsible for paying the duty and taxes.

简单说，除了客户当地关税之外的所！有！费！用！都是供货商负责的。我第一次接触DDU是在某500强位于厦门保税区的组装工厂。参照VMI／JIT的模式，我们要求供货商报价必须以DDU来报。结果是，大的供货商还好，小的供货商我都得花不少时间去解释这跟FOB有什么分别。中国外贸界，绝大部分人都还是只会做FOB，连CIF都不想报。（别误会，这不一定是坏事！！）所以DDU这个「全包」的定义把很多供货商都吓退了。

那么，为什么买家／客户方要求DDU呢？一个原因是风险，特别是未试过在本国以外的地方进口一些不是太懂的产品时，买方怕有任何未可预计的风险时，DDU是最安全的。假如中间突然来个海关抽验费用（可能某个野蛮国家海关不够钱过年时），成本都能转嫁都供货商。

另一个原因，哼，说你都不信：懒！老外懒得去查中间还有个什么鬼费用，反正你就报送到我家门口的费用就行了。

所以我们回这信时也该把DDU的元素回了。我直觉，这客户这次要求100％DDU货到付款的原因，并非在于现金流问题，而是风险！！这位同学一直坚持死嗑的力度，可能用在错的方向上了！他一直只说自己工厂如何受过伤，却没帮老外想如何降低他的风险。

Ben叔叔认为logic应该是这样的。1, 你的单我当然是要接定的了，现在只余下一个简单的技术性问题，我们可以谈好的。2, 我们也没做个DDU，不过我查了，以下是整个费用的清单。3, 您看看其实也不是那么危险的，4, 风险是对等的啊我们也有担心呢～5, 所以，一人让一步吧。

说之以理，以上logic就是理了。接下来就看你的BE如何动之以情了。来吧！

Hi,

Of course I am ready to intake your order :) We’ve spent long time together trying to make things happen (yeah…yeah..ok.. 文法老师又来说我错吧）and I am sure we can figure it out. （拉拉战斗友谊。不过此处这一段不是所有情况都合适。有时，你想拉近距离，有时你却是想怎样保持礼貌的距离。这一点要你自己决定）

As an industrial norm （norm跟standard差不多，不过standard是个比较科学和生硬的字）, 100% payment before shipment has it reason. If you are so kind （这里我用了你们一直很爱的kind字。为什么？）to put yourself into my shoes: you get a paper or sometime just a verbal confirmation from customer and then you start to spend money on material and processing. Until the goods arrive your customer you don’t get anything back. The risk and the cash cycle are just too big for us. （要让他明白你的处境，这个put yourself into my shoes是挺好用的）

We also notice your request on DDU term. To be frank we don’t normally work on this term simply because we don’t understand the risk behind it. （不明白这个风险所以我们很少做DDU。非常合理） In order to win your order （我是有多想要你的订单啊！）we seriously look into it and work together with a logistic provider who has good experience and presence in your country. （要说明，你找的不是一个一段的三流物流公司。他们专业，跟重要的，是熟悉贵国情况）I do a total cost breakdown for your reference by attachment with the hope that make our cost structure more visualize to you.（这是服务！这不是你口常说的服务好，不是那种跪着接单管接管送管陪玩的服务。这是实际解决客户痛点，为他增值的服务。）

We’ve been looking for a reasonable middle point that balance our risk and cost, and here is the proposal: （列点是最能清楚条理的方法）

1. We need XX% of deposit to kick of this project and cover all the related cost (material + overhead)
2. We will do DDU, as you wish. （as you wish, 如你所愿）We will cover part of your risk.
3. Feel free to arrange 3rd party inspection if it is necessary. However I personally don’t think it is a must. We have a quality system that you can trust. （你要派人来可以，但我觉得没这必要）
4. We offer extra 15 days for your incoming inspection before paying us the balance. This make sure you have enough time to check and reduce your quality risk. （仁至义尽了吧）

This is by far the best deal we’ve offered. I hope this time we could start the business.

Regards,
Ben

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